I'm still here!

Family photo in Yachats, OR, Aug 2010

Madelynn playing Just Dance 2 with Daddy and Uncle Daniel

Madelynn's 2nd birthday. Look at Daddy's pink eye!

Madelynn with Grandma and Grandpa on her 2nd birthday

Wow, I didn't realize that it had been that long since I wrote my last blog post. And I'm still trying to figure out how this whole blog thing works anyway (obviously, I haven't been trying very hard.)

So, where do I begin... since the last post, quite a few things have happened. The biggest one is that Madelynn is going to be a big sister! I'm 10 1/2 weels and due August 13. And a couple weeks ago, I found out that another SLP I work with is due with her first 6 days after I am!

This time around, pregnancy has been much kinder to me. I didn't realize how difficult my pregnancy with Madelynn was until now. This pregnancy certainly hasn't been a walk in the park so far- I'm pretty much constantly nauseous (but have only thrown up once so far!) and I've had to use a fair amount of sick leave the past few weeks, but the severity of the nausea and being tired isn't quite as bad. The tired thing is probably because I'm already tired anyway working and chasing a 2 year old around, so I'm used to it! I'm inclined to think that this baby is a boy, but Nate thinks it's a girl, so I guess we'll see- we should find out some time in March, probably.

Madelynn turned two on January 3rd, and we had a small family party for her that evening. My dad was supposed to start another round of chemo that same day, and we weren't sure if he'd be able to make it over, but his white blood cell count was too low so it was postponed for another week. So, he was able to come over and spend time with Madelynn for her birthday. Madelynn had a great birthday, and had a lot of fun opening presents! This year was great, because she actually understood what was going on. She has been obsessed with birthdays- my dad and brother both had birthdays at the end of November and middle of December, so she knew all about what was going on when it was her turn to have a birthday! She loves singing the "Happy Birthday" song and now she thinks that cupcakes mean it's somebody's birthday. She'll go around saying "It's a happy birthday!"

We thought we had things nearly finalized with the short sale of the condo, but it fell through once the inspection revealed an insane amount of dry rot and termite damage underneath the place, which was also causing the deck to pull away from the house and the floorboards to warp. And, the drainspout was installed incorrectly, so water has just been pouring in under the building for who knows how long. I'm pretty upset about this- there's no way this just happened in the past 4 years since I bought the place, but my home inspection seemed to not mention it at all. I doubt the inspector even looked. I wouldn't have bought the place, either, if I had known about all of the problems. It's an HOA issue, so they're now going to have their hands full figuring out how to fix that, because it affects all of the units in the building. So now the place is pretty much unsellable. Hello, foreclosure. I guess I'll get to join that club soon. The one positive in this whole mess is that the place is only in my name since I bought it when I was single, so only my credit will be ruined and Nate's will be fine.

My dad's first course of chemo proved to be ineffective. After two months of chemotherapy every two weeks, a CT scan revealed that the cancer was still exactly where it had been before, and a couple spots were slightly larger. So, he's now on a new course of treatment, which has more severe side effects and generally isn't as effective for most people. I just keep hoping that the bad side effects he's having with the increased nausea, high blood pressure and hair loss also means that it's killing cancer cells, too. We commiserate together about our nausea and food aversions, and we both wear sea bands most of the time for our nausea. But it's definitely easier for me, because I know mine won't last for much longer and has an outcome that makes all of the ickiness worth it. With him, we don't know the outcome, so it's hard to be positive and feel that all of the side effects are worth it.

My cousin's 2 1/2 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer as well about a month ago. She's the youngest of 4, and her mother is expecting again in the summer. It's been a really big blow to the family, who has already been having a hard time dealing with my dad's diagnosis, and then to have this sweet, innocent little girl given such a terrible diagnosis as well has been pretty awful. She has neuroblastoma, and it's spread throughout her legs, hips and all the way to her face. It's neuroblastoma, which is a common form of childhood cancer, but right now, her odds are 50% and it is just so hard to be positive. She's only a few months older than Madelynn, and it just makes me sick to think of how much pain this little girl is having to go through and how hard this is for her parents and the rest of the family. Cancer is just one big mean ol' bastard that deserves to have the sh#* beat out of it. I picture it as this giant black blob with fangs and red eyes that I want to blast with a flame thrower.

I always hoped that I would be one of those people who got to go through life relatively unaffected by cancer or other terrible diseases, but have come to realize that this terrible disease is so much more prevalent than I ever imagined, and virtually everyone is going to be affected by it at some point during their lifetime. It's like the bubonic plague of our time.

Well I don't want to end this post on a depressing note, so I will add one more positive. Nate is planning on graduating this Spring, hurray! Nate is looking forward to being done with classes, and so am I! When you're a student, you never get a break, and he's been in school for a long time- he deserves to be able to come home and relax, rather than read and write papers and take mindless quizzes.

Welcome Fall

I haven't posted for a while. Frankly, I haven't felt like it for the past while, trying to get over the initial shock and deal with everything. But, I've come to accept things for what they are, at least somewhat. It helps that my dad is doing so much better than the last time I posted. However, the cancer has spread, so he will probably start chemo next week. We don't know what to expect. All we can do is hope for the best and be thankful for each day. On a more positive note, my mom is recovering from her surgery surprisingly well. She had her gallbladder removed last week, and was home a few hours later. When I went over to visit that evening, you'd hardly believe that she had just had surgery that morning. She hasn't been watching Madelynn this week, though, so she can recover, plus she isn't supposed to lift more than 10 pounds this week, and then can add 5 pounds every week for the next while. Fortunately, we've had a lot of volunteers helping to watch Madelynn this week which has been a real blessing.
I went back to work a month ago. It's been a really good year so far, I am really enjoying my assignment. I've got the coolest students to work with and I get a kick out of working with them. They're a lot of fun- I really enjoy working with the middle and high school population. I'm amazed that I can manage to do my caseload of 53 students in 3.5 days and not feel overwhelmed. Perhaps I have mastered the art of time management. Yeah, whatever- if that were true, my house would be spotless, all of my projects I've been wanting to do at home would be done, and I would be fluent in Spanish, German, and ASL. And I wouldn't be scrambling to get out the door in the morning. I don't think I will ever enjoy getting up early in the morning. Why can't the world run on Emily time? Getting up before the sun is out is sick and wrong. And chilly. And each morning just gets a little bit darker. And 7:45 am meetings are wrong, too. I had one last week, and I was so out of it that I couldn't hardly remember where I was. In fact, I actually started driving the wrong way to work and realized it when I was almost to the U of O campus, but somehow still managed to get to the IEP meeting on time, though highly functional I was not. Didn't help that the parents were razzing me about not saying much; they should have just been glad I didn't face plant on the table and start drooling.
Oh yeah, and Nate made chocolate chip cookies tonight. Delicious. I've lost count of how many I ate, although Madelynn did help me. What a great helper.

My Dad

The past few days have been the worst days any of us have ever experienced in my family. A few weeks ago, my dad started having some digestive problems that he thought was food poisoning, but it just never seemed to quite go away. The past week, the abdominal cramping got much worst- so bad, that he was passing out from all of the pain. He ended up in urgent care and was given pain meds and an antibiotic, thinking it was an infection. A few days later, he ended up in the emergency room and was hooked up to an IV for pain meds. The next day (Friday) he went in for a CAT scan, and just a few hours later, was notified that there was a blockage in his small intestine as well as swelling, his large intestine had collapsed and he had some swollen lymph nodes and to go to the hospital. He was admitted and told that he would most likely need surgery the next day to remove the blockage and see what it was, and that there was a possibility that it was cancer. He was also given a really nasty, painful procedure where they inserted a tube through his nose, down his throat and into his stomach to suction up everything that was being blocked.
Yesterday morning, he went in for surgery and was in there for about 2 1/2 hours. When it was done, my mom, who was at the hospital by herself waiting, was informed that he had cancer and it was advanced. I don't know exactly what the name of the cancer is at the moment, but whatever it is, it is impossible to catch and treat early because of it's location and the nature of its course. And even worse, even with chemo, apparently they can never fully get rid of all of the cancer and go into remission. So things look really grim. Once he's healed from surgery, they will start doing chemo.
I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I never thought this could possibly happen, and it's not fair that it's happening to my Dad. He's already gone through so much with all of his other illnesses and surgeries, why can't enough just be enough? It's just not fair that my children will probably never get to have real grandfathers (Nate's Dad died of cancer 7 years ago), Nate just doesn't seem to get to have a father figure in his life because they all die- his only uncle on his mom's side, his grandfather, his dad, and now it looks like my Dad will be taken from him, too, in a matter of time, unless we get the biggest miracle we've ever had. I just don't know if God has one in store for him. We've had lots of little miracles lately- Dad was supposed to be in San Diego right now, but the flight was cancelled due to fog in San Francisco where the connecting flight was, and he couldn't get another flight until the next morning, which he didn't make because of ending up in the emergency room. Also, Nate, Madelynn and I were still supposed to be in Mexico- me until the end of August and Nate until September 4, but because we got so sick the first week in Mexico, we chose to come home six weeks early and Nate just did the first six-week session. We were also originally wanting to move back into the SC 4th ward back when we knew we would be in Mexico, but when we returned, the place we ended up getting is only 5 blocks from my parents'.
I am so scared and I don't know what the future holds. I just can't believe that this is happening. I keep hoping that the doctors will have made a mistake or it's not as bad as it looks, or my Dad will respond well to treatment and will be the small percentage that is cured. Even if it could be treated and just kept at bay for a long time so he can be with us for as long as possible and see his grandkids come into the world and be there so they can remember him.

Not as interesting now....

Now that we're back from Mexico, I don't have seem to have as many interesting things to write about on here. We got home about a week ago, and then Madelynn came down with a double ear infection (the yucky big pussy kind that requires antibiotics) a few days later. I think it may be related to her teething- they're just popping up all over the place. She's pretty much over the ear infection now, and is sleeping a lot better, and is currently napping as I write this.
Last Monday, we went around and looked at places available to rent and found a duplex that we like. It has pretty much everything we were hoping for- 3 bedrooms, garage, washer/dryer hookups, fenced backyard and newer vinyl windows, which believe me are a big deal when you've come from an apartment with old leaky aluminum windows. It's not so fun to wake up in the middle of the night with a soaked pillow because the window has accumulated so much moisture that it's running down the walls and in a puddle on the windowsill.
This past weekend, Nate and I also went rafting down the McKenzie with my dad, one of his former students at USU and her two daughters. It was so much fun, and made me happy that we decided to come home early so we could do things like that. We're hoping to take our tahiti kayaks out in a week or two down the McKenzie again. I actually feel more secure in those, even though they're a lot smaller and you get thrown around a lot more, mainly because you're hunkered down so low in them that it's a lot harder to get thrown out.

Home!

We made it home yesterday after a long weekend of traveling. We took a 3 hour bus ride from Queretaro to Mexico City, stayed the night in a hotel at the airport, got up at 3 am to catch our 6:45 am flight, flew to San Francisco and had a 7.5 hour layover (ugggh. And there was nowhere for us to store our carryons so we could go into downtown to waste time, so we lugged it around the airport all day) then flew from San Francisco to Portland, where Ben picked us up and we stayed the night at Daniel and Anna's, drove to Nate's aunt and uncle's in SW Portland to chill for a few hours, then drove home to Eugene. We're staying at my parent's house right now as we look for another place to live. We looked at some places today and found a couple of duplexes that we really like and put applications in for (fortunately it's the same company, so we just did choice #1 and choice #2). Hoping to stay in the Ferry Street Bridge area of Eugene because that seems to be the most convenient for us for getting to work, U of O and my parent's for when we drop Madelynn off.
Madelynn is so happy to be home! She has been having so much fun playing with everybody and has been eating EVERYTHING. It's like she's making up for the 6 weeks we were gone and eating everything she can get her hands on that she didn't eat in Mexico. She's been going to the backyard multiple times and picking blueberries and eating them. And it is so nice for us to be able to just let her run around and get into whatever she wants to because it's pretty well baby-proofed over here. She can climb all over the furniture, run around outside and get into pretty much anything she wants to without us having to worry about anything. So nice! Once Nate and I start feeling better and get over this respiratory virus we've both got, we want to start taking her swimming a lot. And it will be nice to take her to parks with decent grass and swings that we don't have to worry about her falling out of (which she did last week- fortunately Nate caught her by her feet before she hit her head).
I don't think I want to leave the country again for a while (unless it's Canada). At least for a couple more years. We've had our share of weird foreign sickness for the next few years. Right now, it's not a question of IF we got parasites, but what kind and how many. We started taking black walnut extract to kill whatever we may have picked up.

Lucha libre!

Nate made me kiss the luchador. He did win, though!

Last night, we went to a lucha libre. It was so fun, and so insane! The place was totally packed, and our seats were in the bottom section near the front. Right before the final match, we got to go backstage and take pictures with a couple of the luchadors. The one I kissed ended up winning, too!

Guanajuato, amusement park and more.

So it's been a while since I have added to this blog. I've been having a lot of problems uploading photos! We've done a LOT in the past few weeks, including visiting La Sierra Gorda, celebrating Nate's 26th birthday, going to an amusement park and yesterday, we got back from our latest excursion, which was to Guanajuato.
La Sierra Gorda was insane. It was a lot further away than we originally thought, as we were initially informed that it was a 4-hour bus ride. (Try 7). So the first day was mostly getting there, although we did stop up in the mountains and hiked up to a waterfall and went swimming for a little bit. A few hours later, we arrived in Xilitla where our hotel was. The hotel was so beautiful! We had our own little private casa in back and down the hill from the main part of the hotel. The owners lived there and were great. They had a dog, Chucho, that Madelynn absolutely adored. She followed that dog around everywhere and gave him lots of pats and hugs, and he did great when she kept poking him in the eye. She loves the dogs, but we have to be careful, because she'll go off chasing the diseased street dogs if we let her.
The next day, we spent most of the day a few miles away in the Edward James park. It was like Alice in Wonderland come to life in the jungle. Crazy, and horribly dangerous with a toddler, but we strapped her in to her carrier and hiked up and up and up and climbed all over the strange structures, eventually coming to the top where we had a great time swimming in the river.
We all went back to Queretaro the next day, but stopped along the way to visit a few missions (And it was soooo hot we just wanted to stay on the bus and keep going) but we did have fun stopping at a hotel in Conca and swimming before we had lunch there. That day was also the 4th of July, and it was sad not being able to bbq and eat watermelon and light off fireworks! If we had been back in Oregon, we would have gone to Washington and bought a bunch of fireworks there. But, how many 4th of Julys do you get to spend in Mexico?
The next weekend (July 10-11) was Nate's 26th birthday (on the 10th of July). We were going to go to Parque Bicentennario (an amusement/waterpark) but he wasn't feeling very well (he had and is still recovering from a bacterial infection in his lungs- probably pneumonia or bronchitis). So we went to a park near the University (Cerro de las campanas) and had a picnic there. That is supposedly where Maximillian is buried, and at the top of the park is a ginormous statue of Benito Juarez. Later that evening, we went to a Greek restaurant. Mmmm- it was so good! The chef was from Greece, so everything was totally authentic, and everything was organic, too. It was a nice change from the usual fare we've been eating. Mexican food is good, but a month straight of it gets a bit tiring.
Last Friday, we went to Parque Bicentennario just outside of Queretaro. It was great, and super cheap! Only $35 pesos per adult, which is a little less than $3 per person, and that included all of the rides and the waterpark. I was so impressed with how clean it was, and it wasn't crowded at all- you didn't have to wait in line for any of the rides! Madelynn loved the carousel.
The next day, we hopped on a bus to the city ofGuanajuato, which is an old colonial city further up in the mountains in the state of Guanajuato, northwest of Queretaro. It was an absolutely beautiful city, and I wish we had more time there. We visited the mummy museum, which was really disturbing and made me cry, because they dug up babies and put them on display. One still had a diaper on, one still had shoes on its feet, and one was holding the doll that she was buried with. Typing this makes me want to cry again. I just think it's horrible that they dug up those bodies and put them on display. The reason they were dug up is that a long time ago, there used to be a tax to keep your dead buried, but since the poor couldn't afford to pay it, they would just dig up the bodies. After they were dug up, they realized that they had been mummified. The reason they became mummified was because of all the minerals in the soil that had preserved them. So, they thought, hey, let's put the bodies on display and charge $. It really bothered me that they put the bodies of the babies and children on display, too, and were even selling postcards of them in the gift shop. They were all around 200+ years old, and surprisingly well preserved, but it was really disturbing. What if you went there and saw your grandmother's body on display?
Anyway, aside from that, the city was really neat. The architecture is amazing! So intricate and so beautiful. I bought a tablecloth and some table runners there along with a few other things from street vendors. Madelynn had a blast running around in a big gazebo in the central historal area.
We only have a few days left here, then back to Oregon! We get into Portland Saturday at 6:45 pm. We are really looking forward to being home. This place has been quite the amazing adventure, but also quite the difficult experience as well.

Madelynn swimming with Daddy at Parque Bicentennario

A Church in Guanajuato

"Kissing Alley" in Guanajuato